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Catmille13
*@*@*mEoW*@*@*
i'm a self-proclaimed fashionista...
i'm a former dormgirl...
i'm a cat-lover turned dog-lover...
i love purple...
i love the 60's era...
i rarely update this blog... oops...
and i hate marshmallows! hahaha!
welcome to my CRAZY lil world! =^.^=
*@*@*mEoW*@*@*
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August 7th, 2009
On Choosing Sides and Making a Stand
Posted by catmille13 at 10:42 PM on August 7, 2009.
If people had to deal with pain… how would you or anyone categorize
where I am?!? Stuck in a lose-lose situation wasn’t my choice but
inevitably, it always becomes my fate. I didn’t ask to be in this
horrific situation yet everything seems to come by so quickly, so
simultaneously, and so painful.
Which would you choose? Your
friend or your beloved? Your career or your desire? The oddity of all
of these was that both my academics and love life have turned either on
a downward spiral or worse, it hasn’t turned into anything.
Trying
to be perky at these crucial times is indeed very hard I admit, hiding
tears that can possibly overflow in no time under my sunshiny smiles
and melodic laughter. I tried to ignore what my heart desires since my
mind says it’s not the right thing. Then I realize, what IS the right thing anyway? Should I live for the benefit of the people I
care about as always… or should I finally stand for what I REALLY want in every aspect of my life?
Sometimes
I do wish I can be able to rewind some moments were I didn’t stand up
for what I want. Was I that coward or was I too nice to give way again?
No one really knows what it’s like to be in this kind of scenario that in every angle, it is I who only loses.
I can’t stand to make a compromise ever again but by being too vocal, I might lose a lot. Yes, a LOT is on the line at this point. My academics, my future career prospects, my heart, my art, my soul… and even my sanity.
Being
the sacrificial lamb isn’t my ideal position in life. Yet guilt would
surely succumb me if I neglect everything that holds me down because of
the thing called conscience.
Indeed, my wants can be categorized as worldy yet I am only human. Is it REALLY that bad to want something? Don’t I deserve to have even just a single desire be fulfilled?
Fulfillment they say, comes from seeing more people happy but I say,that is selfish and NOT commendable at all. I believe fulfillment will only come if you’ve done
everything, got some bruises on the way, but proved yourself that you
made a definite stand. And thereafter, that’s when you’ll NOT only make people happy, but also be an inspiration to them.
Courage doesn’t come easily... and I am still confused, dazed, and in repair.
I hope these wouldn’t kill me early in life.
Currently listening to: chairlift's bruises
June 8th, 2009
Sibiu: My New Dream Destination :)
Posted by catmille13 at 04:34 PM on June 8, 2009.
It's sooo common for me to hear people answering these following places whenever the question: "What is your Dream Destination?"
"Paris!"
"New York!"
"Hawaii!"
"Singapore!"
"Hong Kong!"
"Beijing!"
"Seoul!"
"Milan!"
Very familiar, rrright?!?
I
admit, I do mention some of these places too whenever that question is
thrown upon me but as I was reading the paper today (among the
newspapers, I ONLY READ INQUIRER, haha!), I saw a feature in the
Lifestyle Section entitled: Gentle, surprising Transylvania, from Sir Augusto Villalon's Pride of Place column.
And 'lo and behold... I was taken by the place he featured, as in truly taken! 
I was enchanted on how Sibiu (in Transylvania, Romania) was restored to become the 2007 European Cultural Capital... waay cool!
 
Frankly, I have NEVER been to that place but after reading the article, everything about it made me feel magical... that I almost wished that as soon as I
placed the paper down, a roundtrip ticket to Sibiu would suddenly
appear infront of me!
I would really rrrreeaaaallyyyy love to see the Brukenthal Museum, the City Hall, the Gothic-inspired churches, the houses that date back to the 19th century, and everything else in the Piata Mare (Big Square)!
 
Just by merely reading, I was already enthralled to see Sibiu for myself!
But going back to reality... I was then a bit crushed since I only have 1 problem...
HOW THE HELL WOULD I GET THERE?!?
With just a passport (that I think is already expired... for the 2nd time!)
and a thrist to learn about Sibiu's culture in tow, my dream of seeing
my newest fave destination would most probably have to wait...
And I am soooo hoping I wouldn't wait for too loooooong!
*crosses her fingers* 
Currently feeling: amused
April 22nd, 2009
Ang Mahiwagang Palaka... este Palanca!
Posted by catmille13 at 11:34 PM on April 22, 2009.
*disclaimer: i RARELY write in tagalog nowadays, but i think posting this in our native tongue would make it more amusing! 
Mainit at nakakainip ngayong summer.
Wala
na naman akong magawa ngayong gabi at naisipan kong maghalughog (woah,
lalim!) ng kung anu-ano sa cabinet ko at 'lo & behold... (teka,
sabi ko hindi english post ko?!)
sa topmost drawer eh punung-puno ng basura... este memorabilia! hahaha!
highschool
memorabilia to be exact! mga reply slips, scratch papers, class
pictures, diaries, & letters... nakatago pala sa drawer na ito all
along! pero dahil UBER bored ako...
i decided to look for
something REALLY interesting to read... at nakita ko na ang hinahanap
ko... ang mahiwagang orange tin box na puno ng mga palaka... aay... palanca pala!
so ito ang mga nalaman ko/naalala ko from what i've read from the palancas i got from highschool during my senior year retreat:
1. PALAKA -yan ang tawag ko sa palanca... para mas masayang pakinggan pag
nanghihingi ako sa mga friends ko noon, hehehe! ("Uuy... PALAKA este
palanca ko huh?!)
2. "HI BABES!" -yan ang famous line ko (with MATCHING flying kiss & kindat pa yan!) pala nung 4th year... yaaak! ambaduy! hahaha!
dahil
galing ako sa ALL GIRLS na school at gusto ko lang mangshock ng tao,
ciempre ang weird nga pakinggan ng linyang yan. at dahil gusto ko lang
ring mantrip, lahat ng mga ka-close ko noon eh yan ang greeting ko...
& take note... BUMENTA SHA!
at sa sobrang natuwa sila (i
know, it's odd right?!)... ay pumayag sila na i tagged them with
nicknames such as: Babes # 27, Babes # 167... umabot pa nga ata ng
Babes # 1025 eh... i lost count na, hahaha!
3. POLO/MENTOS -yan ang UBER always present sa skirt pocket ng uniform ko. every day,
as in EVERY SINGLE DAY eh may baon talaga akong mint candy. kilala pala
ako dati as "candy factory" ng class & ng gleeclub! pero kung sa bagay, hanggang ngayon naman lagi akong may dala pa rin eh, hahaha!
4. MATARAY -yan pala lagi ang first impression ng mga tao sa'kin nung highschool pero ciempre nawala agad dahil as the palancas say: baliw,
kwela, bakla, kikay, madaldal, friendly & the like ang mga
adjectives na kasama sa TUNAY ko raw na pagkatao, hahaha! TAMA sila! 
5. F4 -oo, inaamin ko... nahumaling rin ako sa F4 noon to the point na nanood pa'ko nung back-to-back concert ni vanness at ken, eeeewww! umiral na naman ang kabaduyan ko, wahahaha! at sa sobrang tuwa ko sa
group na'to nung 3rd year eh nagkagroup pa'ko sa class na L4... a.k.a.
LIOBA 4! (4 kami ciempre, may dance step pa, at lahat kami ay from
III-St. Lioba)
6. ISAW MANOK -yum yum! :D yan ang pinaka FAVORITE kong streetfood nung highschool!
kapag yung service namin eh tumitigil sa marist (all-boys school
nearest sa school namin), lahat kaming mga scholasticans na
servicemates ko (especially si tiffany!) eh masaya na 'pag nakakakain
ng isaw manok... but who doesn't right?!
7. GLEE CLUB -yup, yan ang club ko buong highschool,
naks!  looooove ko ang club kong ito dahil dito ako nagkaroon ng
disiplina at ample skills when it comes to acapella singing, reading
notes, performing on stage, having a sharp ear for tones, etc etc! dito
ko rin naranasan na magkaroon ng rigorous training from monday to
saturday! until now, i can't believe that i've actually done that!
naranasan ko ring magka gold medal nung junior & senior years ko
dahil laging panalo noon ang core group sa CMLI, ah yeah!
kaya't kahit papaano eh in the future, may ipagyayabang naman ako sa mga magiging apo ko! JOKE LANG!
8. KWEKKWEK -oo, masarap at fave ko rin ang streetfood na yan pero ibang kwekkwek
ang tinutukoy ko. sha ang alaga kong pusa na kilala pala ng
nakararami dahil sooooobrang mahilig ako sa pusa dati to the point na
pati buhay ng alaga naming na yan eh nakwekwento ko na pala?! hahaha,
adik!
9. MANIAC/MANYAK -oist, hindi ako yun ha... i think, JOKE!
yeah, kapag nasa all girls kasi, laging iniisip ng marami na ang corny raw kasi WALANG BOYS... but they are soooo wrong!
uber
saya rin ng walang mga lalaki sa school dahil mas matindi ang mga
hirit! nung senior year, asaran talaga namin eh kung sino ba talaga ang
pinaka manyak... sha ba o ikaw?! uso rin ang taasan ng palda, paluan sa
pwet with matching "nice ass" line (nabiktima ako nito), booby touching
(never done that & was never victimized by that, yey!), at yung
pagsigaw (without getting embarassed) ng "Uuy... sino may napkin jan?"
ayos di'ba?
& last but not the least...
10. KADA -yan usong tawag sa barkada nung panahon ko, hahaha! kada (shortcut ng
barkada) ang pinaka una mong masasandalan when it comes to kasayahan,
kainan, kalungkutan, at ciempre sa kalokohan! who doesn't have her own
kada sa isko/st. scho noon?! lahat meron! & what's cool about it eh may mga kada-ng nagmerge, kada sa
classroom, kada sa club, kada sa service, & the like! ang kada ang
mga kababaihang (well, all girls nga kami di'ba?) pinakamakakatanggap
sa'yo kung ano ka...
no buts, no ifs, no questions...
sila ang instant family mo sa school!
(special mention sa kada ko: ALOT, JORDS, CAMILLE/CORAZON, ANDREA/YORIE... love you guys! *hugs*)
marami
pa'kong nabasa sa napakaraming palancang natanggap ko noong senior year
from letters predicting that i'll have my OWN talk show or radio show
in the future, to notes wishing me goodluck with my college entrance
exams! grabe, i am not a mushy person but every precious palanca in
that orange tin box never failed to touch my heart & actually
encourage me to face my problems & fears!
highschool in st.
scho was really fun! as i read each & every rolled, folded palanca,
i realized that i was more noisy, friendly, carefree, funny, &
confident before. maybe it's because people mature in time. but i know
that's NOT an excuse for me not to bring back those good 'ol traits
that made me receive these palancas in the first place!
who knew reminiscing by reading palanca letters was both enriching & amusing at the same time right?
but then again, i still break my own rules...
hindi ko natiis, nag english na naman ako.
Currently feeling: giggly
March 21st, 2009
My Non-existent Grad Pic
Posted by catmille13 at 10:06 PM on March 21, 2009.
Yes, I DO NOT have a grad pic.
Why you ask?
Because I'm NOT graduating this March.
It sucks... I KNOW.
While
my friends and batchmates pore over their creative shots and formal
shots, I admit that yeah, I do get jealous at times, wishing that I do
have my own set of pictures too.
Sometimes, well often actually, it
kinda hurts when I see uploaded grad pics of my peers on networking
sites since I should have had been uploading mine myself, instead of
still struggling on my acads just to be able to get myself on track
again.
Sometimes, I still do ponder on a lot of what-if's like:
"What if I opted to choose another university and study what I have really wanted?"
"What if I just gave up on studying in UP earlier on when there was still time to transfer schools and do what I really desire?
But then again, I can't go back in time and change all of these. 
I
try to keep myself from getting to the point of just throwing
everything away and just follow what I really fully desire, because
that would be a selfish thing to do.
Maybe I am not graduating on time because it wasn't meant to be.
Maybe there is a purpose for it, but whatever it is, I still do not have a clue.
Yet sometimes, I do wish that I live a normal life and that I'm graduating on time but then again...
My life would be boring then!
Since I easily get bored, maybe these imperfections are THE things that make my life interesting and colorful!
Currently feeling: melancholy
January 27th, 2009
Definitely Bruised and Broken...
Posted by catmille13 at 05:48 PM on January 27, 2009.
I stumbled, I fell
I swallowed my pride
and admitted my mistakes
I suffered in silence,
never telling a single soul about my pain.
I admit, I do blame myself.
I admit, I was completely shocked.
But I know I wouldn’t be able
to turn things back to its’ normal state.
I was definitely bruised,
I was definitely broken.
I know I was forgiven,
yet agony is the ultimate price.
Stupidity caught up with me,
pulled me down to a never-ending abyss.
I called for help,
then I saw you at the top…
I thought you were my only hope,
my only chance.
But you came looking down on me…
With a cold stare and a smirk.
Currently feeling: crushed
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