PaSt iS... DEFINITELY PAST!!! A LamEntAtiOn Of a dOrm GirL!

Posted by catmille13 at 10:38 AM on September 14, 2006.

aww gawd... haven't been posting for weeks... no... for months!

guess ive BEEN BUSY... or to simply put it... IM JUST AS LAZY AS USUAL! LoL! ;P i guess i had a LOT of stuff runnin' through my mind... i am usually preoccupied about my acads... & love life?!? (hahaha... what a joke!)

it's been 5 months now after my debut/comin' out (of age) party... but nothing special ever happened to me... or so i thought...

2... i mean 3 of my crushes came... (well... they're ALL my EX CRUSHES already) i got kilig... but THAT WAS IT. why have i said that...

well... one of them... hate to admit it... sort of... let's just say... "impressing me or wooing me was JUST a PASTIME for him." he was indeed charming, talented, nice... but... "he JUST isn't contented in having ONLY ONE special girl... he has to have A LOT OF GIRLS GETTING KILIG over him!" it was just recently that i've realized that i was soooooo gullible... and to think that if i wasn't actually thinking... he might have indeed broke my heart & two-timed me...

haii... i thought my heartaches would already be finished... but i was wrong... TOTALLY WRONG...

but before i lament on that "newest issue/heartache"...another one of the 3 EX CRUSHES that i've mentioned now has a girlfriend... but what's really surprising is... i am genuinely happy for them! they're what i can call... "a perfect couple!"

back to my "newest lament...(of some sort)

i do admit i had another crush... but liking this guy wasn't part of my plan... my agenda, which is to concentrate (as in 100%) on my acads and to NEVER EVER/AVOID  falling for a friend's crush... hahaha! i know2x... it's SHALLOW but hate to admit it... it's a sort of "rule" between girl friends/sistahs! (ask any girl!)

it all started with a joke... and yet again... i had a crush on him since we both played a joke on a common friend of ours! "magkakunchaba" kami in other words...(btw lang..i am a sucker for guys with great sense of humor... coz they're more interesting to talk to) and due to "my being gullible sort of phase" im undergoing... tadaah! i felt what I WASN'T suppose to feel... shoot!

i do admit that in keeping this secret... i am having a hard time... i felt that i've BETRAYED my friend... without her realizing it! it's sickening! i know that it's not wrong having crushes but THIS situation is something you guys shouldn't put yourself into! you'll feel happy yet guilty at the same time!

right now... i am trying to just "forget" that feeling for him... i guess it would be better... for me... for her... and for him also. i am not feeling bitter about the situation... i just felt weird about it... confused, if i should admit my secret to alleviate "that burden" i am carrying or if i should just immerse myself in my REAL agenda... to concentrate on my acads and maybe in due time... UNCONSCIOUSLY letting "that certain feeling" disappear?

a lot of questions are still running through my mind but NOW i KNOW what i should do... just as what i did a few years before, just as what i usually end up doing ALL THE TIME... that is to let him go and make my friend happy...

being in the process of giving up "that feeling," i do still have another burden/confusion/problem... and that's about my acads. i hate to admit it but i am STILL IN LIMBO... not knowing where to go from. i STILL don't know if i SHOULD pursue what i really love... or if i SHOULD pursue what i MUST do, wherein i have the ADVANTAGE... (choosing between devcom or agri to simply put it) i am lucky that my parents are REALLY SUPPORTIVE but i JUST CAN'T DECIDE... ARGGHH!!!

deceived... new crush... letting go(again, for the nth time)...  heartaches... limbo... confusion... headaches... choose...

yes... it is indeed STUPID to lament in a blog but i guess... this would be better than for me to lament to another person... he or she would definitely go nuts about it!

haii... when will ALL THESE end? will SOMETHING POSITIVE come out from ALL of these?

well... i'll just cross my fingers, pray for guidance, start to be optimistic, and hope for the best! and when i've overcomed ALL of these problems... i can finally say... "PaSt... iS DEFINITELY PAST!!!" ;>

Currently listening to: pLastic trEe's hArusAki sEntimEntaL
Currently reading: my nEwest pOst... LoL
Currently watching: hArusAki sEntimEntaL videO
Currently feeling: hopeful

LovE cOffeE?!?

mOvinG On...?!?

Posted by catmille13 at 12:44 PM on September 21, 2006.

wow... i never thought that i'd be able to move on in JUST a span of a week!

gawwd... that's an ACHIEVEMENT!

how was i able to move on?!? well... here's my story...

while going back to my dorm after having lunch outside (coz i don't wanna wash dishes again..) i saw HIM!  i haven't seen him for about 2 weeks already and i didn't expect THIS to happen! of course i had to approach him since we knew each other... he was eating ice cream and... ehehehe... i got INGGIT!

i then made my famous "pouty/paawa look" on him... coz i was also craving for ice cream and... i don't have anymore moolah in my pocket, hek3x... teehee! *blush2x!* i was just joking him... i told him, "libre mo naman ako... sige na... pleeeeease???" (while making THAT look on him and delivering THAT line in a "kiddie-sounding voice!" i THOUGHT he would just laugh at me instead of taking pity on me since i know i  DO look STUPID doing that! (why did i EVER do that ba?!?)

he actually smiled... and TREATED ME! ahahaha!!! my charm i mean my "pambobola/pang-uuto" DID WORKED! ;>

but here's the catch...

instead of feeling "kilig" due to his RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS towards a goofball like me... i felt something different... i JUST felt thankful LANG! no queasy, mushy feeling... it JUST SEEMED like my big brother had finally treated me to something. i was shocked! i was surprised.... and i was GLAD!

yes!!! I FINALLY MOVED ON NA! all my mushy feelings for him... VANISHED! i guess it is time to for me to jump for joy or something since i DID WHAT I HAD TO DO... WITHOUT THE SELF-PITYING!

he3x... i guess i had a LITTLE HELP from...

ahihihi... MY 1ST CRUSH! wahahaha!!! ANOTHER ONE!

so i guess i have to cut my story short...

para may continuation naman, hek3x! 'till my next entry!

THEN I'LL TELL WHO HE IS!!! *wink2x!!!* ;>

Currently listening to: onL...
Currently reading: mY nEwesT Entry...
Currently watching: onL viD...
Currently feeling: giggly

LovE cOffeE?!?