Downward Spiral

Posted by catmille13 at 06:25 PM on June 1, 2008.

For some absurd reason…

I feel that my life is towards its’ downward spiral.

I feel that everything that I usually am capable of doing cannot be done…

Simply because I don’t feel like doing it.

I tried to compose new songs but as soon as I pick up my pen,

I don’t have anything to write about.

My mind becomes blank.

I tried to do new stuff, but to no avail.

I tried to entertain myself, but I easily get bored.

I tried to be happy… yet I am not completely satisfied.

I tried to convince myself to move on and deal with my college course problem…

But I hate it!

Even the mere mention of the term, “Agriculture,” makes me sick AND furious at the same time!

I tried to think positive, but my life obviously turned crappy by the minute!

I tried and tried to improve… to change myself…

But it didn’t get me anywhere.

I admit… my life’s a total humdrum.

My life’s boring, typical, mediocre…

In other words, pathetic!

I tried to open up…

But the moment I open my mouth to speak…

No words come out.

I tried to encourage myself that things will get better eventually,

But I am not patient… I HATE waiting!

I tried not to be angry…

But I just can’t!

I tried not to be jealous of people who end up being lucky.

But I am envious…

Because I’m the one who always collide with misfortune… NOT them.

I wish to erase every anger and frustration in my heart.

I wish I could just go away.

I wish I had a different life… but I do still want the same family and friends.

I just wish I could be genuinely happy… even for just a minute.

I want to find myself.

I want to focus.

I want to start all over again.

I want to have the courage to pursue what I REALLY want in life.

But in the end…

What I keep doing is just saying…

“I feel, I tried, I admit, I wish, and I want.”

Will I still be alright?

Will I still have the strength to face everything?

I don’t really know.

Who cares anyway?!

Currently feeling: disappointed

LovE cOffeE?!?

Strangers

Posted by catmille13 at 03:50 PM on June 27, 2008.

We used to talk

You used to make fun of me even

I used to retort with witty remarks

Or resort to making fun of you as well

I thought there was something special

We were almost there

But alas, you suddenly had to go

I was then left hanging

When you were gone, I was saddened

I patiently waited for you to come back

I almost wished I had stopped you

From going away when we were still having fun

I admit I did missed those days

The days we used to actually talk

And the other days that we throw insults at each other

I did hope that when you come back, things will be much better

At last you did return

And I expected that things between us will return to normal

Sadly when we first saw each other

You treated me like an absolute stranger

What we had back then, we’ll never have again

Our memories together suddenly vanished into thin air

My heart was suddenly filled with grief and despair

From now on, though how hard it is…

I am now a stranger to you

For you, are now a stranger to me as well.

Currently listening to: all i ask of you - phantom of the opera
Currently feeling: sad

LovE cOffeE?!?